How I Did It: Ele Quigan on Having Two Kids in Quick Succession
In our series How I Did It, friends of Crayon share their personal stories about how they tackled one aspect of their personal finances. While their journey is specific to their situation, we hope it inspires you to take action. Just keep in mind that, as always, Crayon and our guests are not providing financial advice.
Next up: Ele Quigan, mother-of-two and the author of It would really help me if you..., a beautifully illustrated flipbook designed to help new parents navigate the rollercoaster of emotions. Ele spoke with Crayon founder Stephanie Pow about the financial shock of having two children in quick succession and learning to talk about money.
Can you start by sharing what your parenthood journey looked like?
We took a little bit to have our first baby. I had just started with Fertility Associates when we decided to go on a little holiday to try to relax. One month later, I fell pregnant with Harrison, which was the best blessing that could have happened. I had always thought that a second child could be quite far behind.
I remember the day after New Year's, I told my husband I was so hungry. He made a joke and said I should take a test. At this point, Harrison was just six months old. I thought it was a funny joke, but I took the test anyway. Well, I was absolutely gobsmacked to find out I was pregnant again.
We were in a bit of shock, and although we had planned to have two (well, as far as you can plan with these things), we didn’t mean for them to be so close in age. We had to sit down and really think about how this would change things.
What implications did this have for your parental leave plans the second time?
Before having Harrison, I was a full-time employee and had planned to go back full-time. Then, two weeks before I was due to return, I was made redundant.
On top of that, because my kids are only 15 months apart, I was not eligible to receive government-paid parental leave for my second baby. We started to get into a little bit of panic stations. Would the mortgage be covered? Are we going to have enough to cover essential expenses?
Daphne was born in September 2019. We had a beautiful Christmas, and then suddenly, it's COVID. So, even if I had tried to go back to work early, it wasn't the right environment for that. It was quite a stressful time, but still really wonderful in other ways.
How long did you take parental leave each time?
With Harrison, I had planned to take a year. Because I wanted to ensure I got the right role, I started looking for new roles when Daphne was around about nine months old, and I went back to work when she was 11 months old.
And between Harrison and Daphne, did you find any paid work?
Bits and pieces. I have an advertising background, and I was lucky to get a couple of small contracts to tide me over. The really helpful part of having two kids close together is that I was able to feel that I still had a foot in the industry. I also valued the opportunity to find who I was again outside of being a mother.
That's a lot to contend with: not going back to the role that you thought you were returning to and being pregnant much sooner than you planned to be. What did you do financially to handle those surprises?
We really had to tighten things quickly. Before kids, we were experiences-first, food-and-wine-first etc. We had to change our lifestyle significantly. For example, for the first time, we meal planned. I literally bought a whiteboard to map out the week. I've become a huge advocate of the library, even to the point that I borrow cookbooks and take photos of the recipes I like.
I buy kids’ clothes twice yearly, except for a couple of extras. Looking at your post made me laugh. I buy them from Marks and Spencer because you can wash mixed colours and put them in the dryer, which is massively helpful when you've got kids. There can be two or three changes of clothes in a single day. Also, I’m cognisant that all the clothes I buy need to be worn by both kids. That means sometimes Harrison is dressed in purple and occasionally pink so Daphne can wear it later! That’s the other reason I like Marks and Spencer - their clothes are much more gender-neutral than what I can generally find here and still good quality, so I can pass them along.
What is your advice to people who do find themselves in your situation of having kids very quickly, potentially not getting the government payments the second time?
Start planning and saving as soon as you know. One thing that I wish that we'd done a little bit more is reaching out for more help, especially in those early times. We probably could have asked our family to drop over a few more meals, and they would have been happy to do that.
We did a lot of maths around daycare versus a nanny. When they're so close together in age, you end up paying a lot for full-time daycare, and they are sick so much that you might be better off with a nanny.
How have the financial puzzles changed now that your kids are five and four?
Like many families, the biggest thing in the short term for us has been the increasing mortgage rates and the cost of food. We’ve been reviewing how we split our loans so that we're not hit with massive rate rises in one hit. My kids love cherry tomatoes and cucumber, but nowadays, I buy what's in season, and mixed frozen veggies have also been a go-to.
Looking at the long term, experiences are a really big thing for us. We’ve set financial goals around a couple of really big family holidays we want to take that will require a few years of saving.
What’s your work journey been like since?
I went back to part-time work 20 hours a week. I'm a bit of a softy, so I ended up probably working 35 hours a week. If you're going to go back to work part-time, have a steel spine and stick to your hours!
I gradually stepped my hours up back to full-time. I had a side business idea in my head, and eventually, my husband and I agreed to test the market and give it six months. It felt like a now-or-never moment because the book is all about mental health in those early days of parenthood. One thing that I've started to notice when talking to people is you kind of lose the memory of that time the older your kids get! I recently spoke to a woman who works in HR, and her eldest is now at university. She was waxing lyrical about how amazing having young children was and had completely forgotten what it was like to deal with kids who are sick all the time, waking up through the night, etc.
We’ll have another check-in within six months to decide if I go back to work, even part-time or full-time, to keep my book business going.
It sounds like personal money management became much more important when you became a parent, is that fair to say?
100%. I’d never looked at any kind of financial management or investing, but then suddenly, with two little people, I'm thinking about the future. It’s not just about what's happening now, but also trying to see into the future for significant costs such as university fees.
When you’ve needed or wanted to make financial changes, how did you figure it out? Many people get hit by these waves of costs and loss of income but don't know what to do about it.
I really love that phrase, “You eat an elephant one bite at a time.” [Note: no one is advocating for eating elephants at Crayon. We love elephants!]. I read a little bit at a time, and I also set clear boundaries for my mental health. For example, I don't have our bank app on my phone because if I regularly see our mortgage numbers, I worry constantly.
It’s about making sure that you're giving yourself the space to have that conversation with your partner. We have a nice meal after the kids are in bed, share a wine and have a talk about what’s coming up and what we need to do about it to make sure that we're both on the same page. We also talk about our fears as well, many of us have at the moment.
Have you always been good about talking about money together, or has this been a learned skill?
I never talked to my family about money. I had very, very low financial literacy. I just didn't really understand it. Things like credit cards would sail over my head. We only started having proper conversations about money after we had kids, even though we've been together for nearly 20 years and married for 12 of those. Even with wedding planning, I did the budget, but we didn't chat about how it was all going to work and what the future was going to look like.
How did you have those first conversations? Getting started is often the hardest part!
It started off by acknowledging that our lives were going to change significantly with the arrival of a baby. Finances were part of a broader conversation, rather than framing it as “We need to talk about money.”
Having an open mindset and being able to sit with my discomfort has been really important. I’ve tried to understand why I was reacting in certain ways and look at it from a top-down perspective. I almost get a visceral response to money chat, so my husband is a little bit gentler when I'm coming at with worry or stress. We talk about it, and we do the maths together. Being able to do little mini steps like that can really help.
Were there particular resources that you found helpful on your journey?
I did a lot of Googling! Frances Cook’s podcast is really great, too.
Have you started to teach your kids about money?
It's so important. I don't want my kids to feel as anxious and stressed about money as I do.
We talk about why they can’t get toys. I love taking them to the supermarket and talking about the price of things. We also support what they’re learning at school. Harrison's class did a big segment a couple of weeks ago about shopping. They made a little shop, put prices on things, etc. We then talked about that at home and took that pretend shop play home.
I also want to raise really empathetic kids, so this Christmas will be the time when we can start talking about donating some money to a charity to share the joy of Christmas
Any last words of wisdom?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We need a bit more of a wraparound village for new parents. I've had friends who've had second babies, and I'm like, “I'm bringing the groceries over. Don't even think about it. Just tell me what you need for the fridge!”
That’s what your book is all about - verbalising what you're going through and all the ways people can help. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and for publishing such a useful resource!
Now for the important legal part: The information we provide is general and not regulated financial advice for the purposes of the Financial Markets Conduct Act 2013. Please seek independent legal, financial, tax or other advice in considering whether the content in this article is appropriate for your goals, situation or needs. The information in this article is current as at 29 August 2023.
